We've all learned from past experiences the signs of cheating. Both men AND women can be unfaithful, but since I haven't gone lesbian (yet), I can only speak from what I've seen guys do and the stories I've heard from girlfriends. Here are five surefire signs that your man is double-dipping.
(1) He's Never Available on Date Night
There's always some bullshit excuse. He's with his guy friends. He's too tired. He's visiting his dying grandmother in the hospital. What he really means to say is that he met some hot waitress at Hooters and she gives great head.
(2) You Find Random Condom Wrappers on His Bedroom Floor
"Oh no, baby. That's from us." No it isn't. He didn't let a condom wrapper sit on the floor since you last had sex....a week ago. It's from the dirty whore he porked last night while you weren't there.
(3) He's Constantly Reminding You That He's "Only Had Three or Four Partners" in His Life
BLASPHEME! If he's that secure with his number, he doesn't need to repeatedly throw it in your face. Read in between the lines. "I've only slept with a few people" means "I boned my high school's entire female student population and a little bit of the faculty too. Oh, and I might have syphilis."
(4) He's Oddly Protective of His Cell Phone
He doesn't need to show you everything he's doing on it, and snooping is an awful thing to make a habit of. Everyone deserves some privacy. But if he takes his cell into the bathroom with him, it's probably not because he wants to play Pac-Man while he's taking a shit.
Whether you're dating or "officially together," if he's working overtime so that no one knows about it, odds are that it's because he's playing Hide the Sausage with four or five other girls.
It's been less than one week since I planted my first lettuce seeds, and holy canoli they sprouted.
Look how cute it is!
The lady at Star Nursery told me to water it twice a day, which I didn't think would be enough, considering it's 400 degrees out. But it actually appeared to be a little TOO much, so I cut back a smidge.
WHO CARES?! Look at my friggin' lettuce!
In other related, green-ish news, I'm starting my volunteer work for Vegas Roots. If you haven't visited the website, quit being a bonehead and do it.
I've been saying it for months, and I finally did. I PLANTED a thing. Lettuce, to be exact. If it actually grows, I might pee myself. Within an hour or so, this...
...turned into THIS.
I know. You can't believe it.
I bought the goods at Star Nursery and only had to make two trips. (I was under the impression that I could reuse soil I already had from the Stone Age, but, no. Sorry.)
I can guarantee that once you set foot in this place, you'll be hooked. Even if you're not into gardening.
Ok. That's a lie. BUT LOOK! They have turtles and fish!
It's hard to see, but there's a little baby turtle there from when a mom and dad turtle had sweet, romantic turtle sex. I'm in love.
How can you not like this place? Look at all that green!!!!
Everything is fantastic on the smoothie front. I'm trying this bad boy this week:
It's a variation of something Lauren Conrad pimps. And you know that if a celebrity endorses it, it must be legit.
-1.5 cups almond milk
-.5 cup oatmeal
-.5 cup frozen strawberries
-1 frozen banananana
-1 tablespoon honey
It's nothing to write home about, but it's not bad either. (Maybe I'll stick with her exact recipe next time.) I'm hoping that the oatmeal helps fill me up a little longer so that an hour later, I won't be ready to gnaw on my own foot. I'm also experimenting with breaded zucchini sticks, but I'll include those riveting pictures in my next post.
If you haven't viewed my last blog on how bottled water is the devil dressed in plastic, why? There's even a video. Tomorrow I'll be speaking to our leasing office about why we don't have a recycling service, how we can get it, and how their parents are disappointed in them for destroying the planet. Stay tuned!
Growing up (like many of you, I'm sure), I was encouraged to drink bottled water for reasons of sanitation. Lately, I've delved into this a little deeper. If you know me, then you know that bottled water is something I would never buy unless I absolutely had to -- and I don't. The people consuming about 50 billion bottles a year might disagree with me.
I read a fascinating article from National Geographic on the harm present in buying bottled, and the consequences are alarming. I was perhaps most stunned to learn that it can take up to THREE liters of water to make ONE liter of bottled water. Efficient? Probably not.
Then there's the fact that transporting these bottles and keeping them cold inflicts a pain on the planet all its own. Where do 80% of these recyclables end up? The garbage. When they DO finally break down, all the chemicals and bacteria and toxins and poison go right back into the land and water. Kinda makes these bad boys look less refreshing, eh?
Some can brush aside the environmental impact, which should be terrifying enough on its own. How about the side effects on your health? The idea that bottled is safer might be grossly misrepresented. For instance, the plastic contains toxins like polyethylene terephthalate that can contaminate your body with DEHA and benzylbutyl phthalate, a human carcinogen and hormone disruptor, respectively. That's not even getting into the bacteria present. The chemicals potentially present in each bottle are what have some scientists convinced that tap is the safer option.
Bottled isn't good for your teeth either. Why? Less fluoride, which leads to a greater risk for more cavities. And nearly 50% of parents (at least) are opting for bottled over tap.
Some cities have taken the initiative to do away with bottled water completely (bravo!) like Bundanoon (Australia -- they were the first). Chicago has added a five-cent tax to each bottle, and Seattle and San Fran won't buy water for city use.
I mean, EW. Why would you want to?!
Still, bottled water is a $100-billion-a-year industry (behind pop and beer -- good job, America). And don't think that we're the ones benefiting financially. This water (intended for public use) is being pumped by these companies, bottled, and sold for 2,900 times the price of tap -- right back into their pockets.
I tried this work-out for the first time today, another video from Body Rock TV -- which always kicks my ass. This one was for the abs:
I want to make love to her accent and she has the best damn implants I've ever seen. If you can get through this work-out without spitting or farting or involuntarily doing anything else completely unladylike, I salute you.
I'm trying to get back on the smoothie bandwagon, but today was a little tricky. It's the end of the week, so the fridge is a little nekkid. So I just took whatever I had and threw it in.
This one has spinach, kale, frozen strawberries, frozen peach, almond milk, and ginger. Not bad, actually. It was sooper refreshing. Make sure you LOVE ginger, because I used a piece the size of a booger and my eyes were still watering.
One final thing: I tried these for the first time, which is a miracle because I've never been a huge cabbage person...
And I loveeeeeddddddd it. I threw in some brussel sprouts as well, and it was all gone with a few days.
Or, if you want another snack that actually tastes like it should be junk food, try THESE! Anyone have a smoothie recipe to share? Leave a comment with your fave! The Skinny Confidential has some really good ones, too. This is why I started making them in the first place, and it literally changed my body and how I feel. The vegetarian quest is still going well. Five months and counting. But I dream of beef every night.
My sister and I decided to recreate well-circulated photos from the past, because...why not? Here's numero uno: Lindsay Lohan and her lawyer, Shawn Holley -- presumably after the judge threatened to take away Lohan's birth control.
Lohan: "Not my Ortho-Cyclin....NOT MY ORTHO-CYCLIN!!!!"
In my quest to become as chemical-free as possible, I've been exploring homemade soaps, lotions, etc. My hair has thinned out substantially over the years, and one thing I had not yet looked into was the effects of various shampoo ingredients. I was shocked to learn that there is a handful of REALLY bad ones that you can find in most shampoos. Some ones to stay away from...
sodium lauryl sulfate
ammonium lauryl sulfate
ammonium laureth sulfate
ammonium xylene sulfonate
TEA lauryl sulfate
sulfur
magnesium sulfate
sodium thiosulfate
alkyl sodium sulfate
alkyl benzene sulfonate
And this isn't even all of them! Sure enough, I went into my shower and checked out my shampoo bottles, and almost all of them had some of these ingredients. Ironically, the only one that DIDN'T was the generic horse shampoo I got from the dollar store. Go figure.
One of the side effects of these ingredients is hair loss, so ditch the toxins and find something better! Apparently, L'Oreal Vive Pro Nutri Gloss and Garnier Fructis Fortifying are supposed to be good, but I can't yet vouch for them myself.
I've been advised to be very careful with homemade shampoos, because it derives your hair of the oils and nutrients it needs. Conditioner seems to be a little easier--coconut oil, grapeseed oil, olive oil. I've also read that mayonnaise is replenishing. You can find all sorts o' shit online.
Moving on!
I'm getting back into making smoothies, and I already feel amazing. This was today's:
I made it with my state-of-the-art $20 blender from Target.
1 banananananana
Enough rice milk so that it doesn't have the consistency of vomit
A handful of spinach
A handful of kale
A handful of frozen strawberries
A handful of baby carrots
Blend! This made two servings. It's a great snack, perfect to go with these.
For today's workout, I went for my normal jog, and then did THIS from Pinterest:
Ok. I lied. I did part of it. But it's the thought that counts. Here's what the sumo squats look like:
