20 Things I Learned in 2013

#1 You CAN love to work out, love being healthy, and love your body.  It looks like this: 

I started in July, and now I have a butt, I have legs, and I have arms.  And if I took my hand out of a bag of chips for more than five minutes at a time, I'd probably have abs too.  

#2 If you're going to get a bird tattoo, don't get it with bandaged wings unless you want to look down at it daily and go, "Man, I'm a loser."

#3 Being called "vanilla" should be taken as a compliment, particularly when it comes from a criminal. 

#4 If you find yourself attracted to a man, he's gay, taken, or otherwise unavailable.  Get a cat instead. 

#5 There's nothing "tragically beautiful" about depression.

#6 If a boyfriend's former layover threatens to shank you, just call the police.

#7 If you have a legitimate stalker, just call the police.

#8 Keep the police on speed dial.

#9 Being happy is a choice, and gratitude is beautiful.  What you give, you receive.  

#10 Your mom is right about nearly everything.  Even when she's wrong, she's probably right.

  

#11 Hang around people who are better than you.

#12 There's nothing wrong with wanting to stay in and read.

#13 You will meet many gorgeous people.  The prettiest faces can still have the ugliest spirits.

#14 The quiet ones make the best friends.

#15 Generic toilet paper is a bad idea.

#16 Vegas is full of enormous parking garages.  If you think you'll remember where you parked, you won't.

#17 High standards don't make you a bitch.

#18 Learn something from everybody.

#19 If you're not willing to work for it, you don't deserve it.

#20 Fall in love with yourself first.

How to Cure a Case of the Relationshits

You've had an icky feeling in the pit of your stomach lately.  It's a bloated, gurgly, crampy feeling.  It's like that sensation you have the morning following a night of heavy drinking, when you'd typically take a fantastic poo; suddenly, the universe goes, "Just kidding!"  Sorry.  No poo for you.  Your diet is good, you've been drinking plenty of water, and you've remained active.  Why this feeling of sickness?

You have the relationshits.

The relationshits kick into full gear during the holiday season.  You can't flip the TV channel without running into some commercial with a happy man and woman wearing matching Christmas sweaters.  She's got a cheesy grin on her face because he just proposed and he went to Jared.  It's probably cubic zirconia.

You turn off the TV to avoid the madness, and decide instead to read a book.  You pick up your Danielle Steel novel but double over in pain from the relationshits because your ex just sent you a four-page text message about how he misses you so much and can't move on.  He feels bad about how things ended and just wants to talk.  How do you put this delicately for him?  You two are like Breaking Bad.  It's over.  Find a new show, or perhaps the rerun you turn to when you're bored.

Maybe they make a pill for the relationshits.

Then you get a call from Aunt Gertrude.  She's letting you know that your fourth cousin twice removed just got engaged to a chiropractor.  She wants to know about your love life.  She starts to ask, "Have you met any--......probably not."  You tell Aunt Gertrude that you have to go because the relationshits are building up and you might not make it to the bathroom.

You turn to Pinterest because you're looking up Christmas cookie recipes, when it happens: relationshit quotes--or rather...a-lack-of-relationshit quotes.  There's this: 

And this, which almost pushes your relationshits over the edge: 

And this...which sort of makes your single-ness feel legitimate...but not quite: 

You're about to relationshit your pants.  But then you see this.  And you know it must be true because of the pretty blonde girl deep in thought strolling the beach in the background:

The blonde girl might be right.  Plus, when you're single, you can go to bed with zit cream on your face and legs that haven't been shaved in nearly a week.

...Hypothetically...

And with that, your nasty case of the relationshits starts to ease up.  You switch to Netflix to avoid any more unwanted commercials, tell your ex that he was boring in bed but you wish him well, and block Aunt Gertrude's number.  You never liked her anyway.  She has a mustache.

5 Things That Happen When You Spiritually Turn 80

In your 20s, you're supposed to be wild and free.  While the body may be up for it, the mind has moved far beyond the years of bar-hopping and bed-hopping and really wants to stay home to watch Wheel of Fortune.  Here are five things to expect when you're an 80-year-old living in a 25-year-old's body.

 #1 Spicy Food Gives You Heartburn. So Does Food That Isn't Spicy.

You used to be able to go to Pin Kaow Thai and get the Level 10 Yam Khor Moo Yang without so much as batting an eye.  Now you can't even finish a bowl of rice without crying.  Wipe the snot from your nose, champ.  You've officially switched to Bran Flakes.

Nope. 

#2 You Can't Go Out With Your Friends Because You Have to Stay Home and Finish Your Book.

And it's not something hip and young like 50 Shades of Grey or Perks of Being a Wallflower.  Odds are that it came highly recommended from Suzanne Somers and you keep it right next to your Thighmaster.

#3 If It's 9:30, You Should've Been in Bed an Hour Ago.

Your day starts at 6:00 a.m. without fail.  If it hits 9:00 and your mouthguard isn't even in yet, you're screwed.

Go to bed, Grandma.

#4 Everything Has Germs. Everything.

You take a Clorox wipe to everything you touch before you touch it--and after.  An imminent staph infection lingers on every surface.

#5 T-Shirts Are Inappropriate. Tank Tops Are Inappropriate. Skin is Inappropriate.

If it's not a cardigan buttoned up to your nose, you're showing entirely too much skin.  What kind of impression are you giving people when you wear sandals without socks?  Quit dressing like a prostitute.

You look great!

3 Things You're Too Sore to Do After Crossfit

#1 Eat

After a grueling workout, all you want to do is go home and stuff your face.  But just a minute: 43,289 push jerks later and the mere thought of lifting a sandwich to your mouth makes your soul go flaccid.  The best you can do is lay down, fling the food into the air with a spoon, and hope it just somehow lands in your mouth.  Your family is two minutes away from laying out newspaper and putting your food in a doggy bowl.

Sorry.  No. 

#2 Sit on the Toi-Toi

Ladies, you might as well cut off all liquids.  Squats and lunges have destroyed your I-Have-to-Tinkle leg muscles for the next three days.  No worries, because you're pretty sure a little pee came out when you PRed your power snatch earlier on.  Ease up on the fiber too, lest you have to make a dipsy doodle in your incapacitated state.

Good luck with that.

#3 Wash Your Hair

No.  Just, no.  Your arms were declared DOA.  Your arms are done.  Thrusters and push presses and, well, how do we put this gently?  Two days from now, your hair will be greasy enough to fry an egg on your head.  At least you look ridiculously good naked, even with the bag you'll have to wear over your head.
  

This gentleman did not attend Crossfit.

Life at the Bottom of the Bottle

In a singular moment of clarity, he admits the obvious:

"Do you realize you have a drinking problem?" she asks.

"Yes."

But that will be the only instance of self-awareness when he acknowledges Crown Royal as his emotional crutch.

Every other night sings a different melody--when he pounds that fourth glass of Jack Daniels, turns to her, and hatefully spits, "I'm sorry I'm not perfect like you"; when he finishes off the bottle of Maker's Mark while she isn't looking, and then proceeds to drive her home; when the Ketel One runs out and all he can manage is to pass out in a drunken coma while he's still inside of her.

The excuses flow as smoothly as the two bottles of red wine he blew through the night he was supposed to meet her family.  "I was tired.  I was stressed.  You pressured me."  It will always be her fault, because accepting responsibility for his actions would be like trying to switch from beer to water.    

It's to be hoped that his whiskey will hold him in bed, his vodka will kiss him goodnight, and his tequila will push him forward when life knocks him down.  He must sense a brilliant life waiting for him at the bottom of the bottle.  

I'm Cheating on Fresh & Easy with Trader Joe's

I've been vegan for almost two months now.  I had my moment where I cheated, and I immediately regretted it.  The eggs tasted good going down, but they weren't worth the guilt, nausea, and lingering stench of egg-smell left in my kitchen.

Lately, though, I've been bored out of my mind with food.  I've started running out of ideas, and trolling the Internet for creative, easy, cheap dishes has become a pain in my big vegan behind.  My dear, dear friend, Joanna, is a big fan of Trader Joe's.  Knowing that I've usually stuck with Fresh & Easy (and sometimes Sprouts, when I don't mind going broke for food), she encouraged me to give it a shot.  So I made the trip out there today, and I wasn't disappointed.

I was like a kid in a candy store.  They had a wonderful vegan selection, and the prices were undoubtedly the lowest I've seen.  I found these meat-less items for about $2 less than they usually are.  $3 each for these packages of big, juicy, hot diggity dogs.  I was overjoyed.

I also picked up these amazing cookies.  I had tried the trail mix kind with Joanna, but I love chocolate chip oatmeal. These will probably be gone by tomorrow. 

For the last couple of months, I've also been searching for a solution to dry, troublesome skin.  I keep hearing that tea tree oil is a winner, and Joanna recommended jojoba oil as well.  I'm hopeful that this will finally solve my problems!  

I'm sooper dooper excited about this one.  Salty snack foods are my weakness.  I don't crave sweets too often; I want SALT.  I want CHIPS.  Again, Joanna introduced these to me.  They're bananas, BANANAS, but they taste like chips!  I shall unhinge my jaw and swallow the bag whole.

I'm a nut for autumn.  It might be my favorite season; and I've felt deprived of it ever since moving to Vegas.  Trader Joe's knew this; so Joe said, "Hey Meg, here's an entire display FULL of pumpkin-themed everything."  They had coffee, pancake/waffle mix, tea, cookies, and more.  I chose the delicious Country Pumpkin Spice Granola Cereal.  And then I cried tears of happiness.  

One of my last great finds was this tea tree oil soap.  I'm always on the look-out for all-natural, chemical-free products.  I was so frustrated with the lack of them in stores that I finally started making my own.  Even this has its limits in some cases though, as you might not be replenishing your body of the nutrients it needs.  This one gets an A+, however.  The ingredients were promising, namely because there were so few--as in, seven, most of which I recognized and could pronounce.  (How often does THAT happen?)

I had been putting off this first trip because Trader Joe's isn't exactly a five-minute drive from my apartment; and on weekends, I'm a major couch potato.  After trying it out, though, I'll probably be doing most of my shopping there.  Thanks, Joanna!

5 Signs Your Boyfriend is Sticking His Penis in Another Girl, Part 2 of 534

Well, Part 1 was a huge success, so I'm back for Round 2.  Here are five more signs that your man is straying.

(1) He takes a suspiciously long time to respond to a text or phone call and then uses, "Oh sorry, I left my phone in the car," or "Oh sorry, my battery died," or "Oh sorry, I was having a bowel movement." One time? Fine. Is he making a habit out of it? If that's the case, then what he really means is, "Oh sorry, I was venturing through another girl's holy land."

(2) He has a chick who is "just a friend" that he, for some odd reason, tries to keep you away from. Why? He's probably concerned that the conversation would subtly progress from, "So, you're friends with my boyfriend," to, "Oh wow, he's had his wang in the both of us."

(3) Does he not want you to meet his family? Maybe he wants to take it slow. If that's the case, good for him. If you've been dating for a year and he still won't bring you home, it could be because he's got another slut on the side who's already got in good with the fam. He doesn't want to have to explain to sweet little Grandma Eleanor why he's bringing two different whores to dinner in one week, right?

(4) He refuses to acknowledge your relationship on Facebook. This one is tricky because lots of people like to pull, "Why do we need to broadcast it on Facebook for you to trust me?" That's a very good point, to an extent. He could also be avoiding it because of the n00die pics of his dong that he sent to a dozen other girls.

(5) You find stashes of condoms in places that you never have sex. Does he keep them in the nightstand for when you spend the night? Terrific. How about his car? Locker? Desk at the office? Grandma's house? Post office? If you're not doing the naughty there, well...somebody is.

5 Signs Your Boyfriend is Sticking His Penis in Another Girl: Part 1 of 534

We've all learned from past experiences the signs of cheating. Both men AND women can be unfaithful, but since I haven't gone lesbian (yet), I can only speak from what I've seen guys do and the stories I've heard from girlfriends. Here are five surefire signs that your man is double-dipping.

(1) He's Never Available on Date Night

There's always some bullshit excuse. He's with his guy friends. He's too tired. He's visiting his dying grandmother in the hospital. What he really means to say is that he met some hot waitress at Hooters and she gives great head.

(2) You Find Random Condom Wrappers on His Bedroom Floor

"Oh no, baby. That's from us." No it isn't. He didn't let a condom wrapper sit on the floor since you last had sex....a week ago. It's from the dirty whore he porked last night while you weren't there.

At least they're using protection.

(3) He's Constantly Reminding You That He's "Only Had Three or Four Partners" in His Life

BLASPHEME! If he's that secure with his number, he doesn't need to repeatedly throw it in your face. Read in between the lines. "I've only slept with a few people" means "I boned my high school's entire female student population and a little bit of the faculty too. Oh, and I might have syphilis."

(4) He's Oddly Protective of His Cell Phone

He doesn't need to show you everything he's doing on it, and snooping is an awful thing to make a habit of. Everyone deserves some privacy. But if he takes his cell into the bathroom with him, it's probably not because he wants to play Pac-Man while he's taking a shit.

He's definitely sending her dick pics.

(5) He Hides Your Relationship From Other People

Whether you're dating or "officially together," if he's working overtime so that no one knows about it, odds are that it's because he's playing Hide the Sausage with four or five other girls.

Vegetable Gardening and the Day I Didn't Kill My Lettuce

It worked!

It's been less than one week since I planted my first lettuce seeds, and holy canoli they sprouted.

Look how cute it is!

The lady at Star Nursery told me to water it twice a day, which I didn't think would be enough, considering it's 400 degrees out.  But it actually appeared to be a little TOO much, so I cut back a smidge.

WHO CARES?!  Look at my friggin' lettuce!

In other related, green-ish news, I'm starting my volunteer work for Vegas Roots.  If you haven't visited the website, quit being a bonehead and do it.

My First Time Planting and Lauren Conrad's Smoothie

I've been saying it for months, and I finally did.  I PLANTED a thing.  Lettuce, to be exact.  If it actually grows, I might pee myself.  Within an hour or so, this...

...turned into THIS.

I know.  You can't believe it.

I bought the goods at Star Nursery and only had to make two trips.  (I was under the impression that I could reuse soil I already had from the Stone Age, but, no.  Sorry.)

I can guarantee that once you set foot in this place, you'll be hooked.  Even if you're not into gardening.

Ok.  That's a lie.  BUT LOOK!  They have turtles and fish!

It's hard to see, but there's a little baby turtle there from when a mom and dad turtle had sweet, romantic turtle sex.  I'm in love.

How can you not like this place?  Look at all that green!!!!

Everything is fantastic on the smoothie front.  I'm trying this bad boy this week:

It's a variation of something Lauren Conrad pimps.  And you know that if a celebrity endorses it, it must be legit.

-1.5 cups almond milk

-.5 cup oatmeal

-.5 cup frozen strawberries

-1 frozen banananana

-1 tablespoon honey

It's nothing to write home about, but it's not bad either.  (Maybe I'll stick with her exact recipe next time.)  I'm hoping that the oatmeal helps fill me up a little longer so that an hour later, I won't be ready to gnaw on my own foot.  I'm also experimenting with breaded zucchini sticks, but I'll include those riveting pictures in my next post. 

If you haven't viewed my last blog on how bottled water is the devil dressed in plastic, why?  There's even a video.  Tomorrow I'll be speaking to our leasing office about why we don't have a recycling service, how we can get it, and how their parents are disappointed in them for destroying the planet.  Stay tuned!

Ciao,

Megan

Why Bottled Water Is a Fart in the Asshole of Society

So you all know that I've been on this buy-local, quit-eating-factory-farmed-meat, recycle-everything-you-can kick lately.  I'm slightly obsessed, evidenced by how annoyed I get when I see a Styrofoam cup in the garbage at work.

Growing up (like many of you, I'm sure), I was encouraged to drink bottled water for reasons of sanitation.  Lately, I've delved into this a little deeper.  If you know me, then you know that bottled water is something I would never buy unless I absolutely had to -- and I don't.  The people consuming about 50 billion bottles a year might disagree with me.

I read a fascinating article from National Geographic on the harm present in buying bottled, and the consequences are alarming.  I was perhaps most stunned to learn that it can take up to THREE liters of water to make ONE liter of bottled water.  Efficient?  Probably not.

Then there's the fact that transporting these bottles and keeping them cold inflicts a pain on the planet all its own.  Where do 80% of these recyclables end up?  The garbage.  When they DO finally break down, all the chemicals and bacteria and toxins and poison go right back into the land and water.  Kinda makes these bad boys look less refreshing, eh?


photo by DJ Waldow

Some can brush aside the environmental impact, which should be terrifying enough on its own.  How about the side effects on your health?  The idea that bottled is safer might be grossly misrepresented.  For instance, the plastic contains toxins like polyethylene terephthalate that can contaminate your body with DEHA and benzylbutyl phthalate, a human carcinogen and hormone disruptor, respectively.  That's not even getting into the bacteria present.  The chemicals potentially present in each bottle are what have some scientists convinced that tap is the safer option.

Bottled isn't good for your teeth either.  Why?  Less fluoride, which leads to a greater risk for more cavities.  And nearly 50% of parents (at least) are opting for bottled over tap.

Some cities have taken the initiative to do away with bottled water completely (bravo!) like Bundanoon (Australia -- they were the first).  Chicago has added a five-cent tax to each bottle, and Seattle and San Fran won't buy water for city use.

I mean, EW.  Why would you want to?!

Still, bottled water is a $100-billion-a-year industry (behind pop and beer -- good job, America).  And don't think that we're the ones benefiting financially.  This water (intended for public use) is being pumped by these companies, bottled, and sold for 2,900 times the price of tap -- right back into their pockets.

Quit drinking out of plastic bottles, shitheads.

Washboard Abs You Could Grate Cheese On. And Another Smoothie.

It's 12:15 and this writer is already pooped.

I tried this work-out for the first time today, another video from Body Rock TV -- which always kicks my ass.  This one was for the abs:

I want to make love to her accent and she has the best damn implants I've ever seen.  If you can get through this work-out without spitting or farting or involuntarily doing anything else completely unladylike, I salute you.

I'm trying to get back on the smoothie bandwagon, but today was a little tricky.  It's the end of the week, so the fridge is a little nekkid.  So I just took whatever I had and threw it in.  

Smoothie!

This one has spinach, kale, frozen strawberries, frozen peach, almond milk, and ginger.  Not bad, actually.  It was sooper refreshing.  Make sure you LOVE ginger, because I used a piece the size of a booger and my eyes were still watering.

One final thing: I tried these for the first time, which is a miracle because I've never been a huge cabbage person...

And I loveeeeeddddddd it. I threw in some brussel sprouts as well, and it was all gone with a few days. Or, if you want another snack that actually tastes like it should be junk food, try THESE!

Anyone have a smoothie recipe to share?  Leave a comment with your fave!  The Skinny Confidential has some really good ones, too.  This is why I started making them in the first place, and it literally changed my body and how I feel.  The vegetarian quest is still going well.  Five months and counting.  But I dream of beef every night. 

Celeb Mockery #1: Lindsay Lohan and Her Lawyer

My sister and I decided to recreate well-circulated photos from the past, because...why not?  Here's numero uno: Lindsay Lohan and her lawyer, Shawn Holley -- presumably after the judge threatened to take away Lohan's birth control.

Lohan: "Not my Ortho-Cyclin....NOT MY ORTHO-CYCLIN!!!!" 

Why Your Hair is Falling Out :-( And a Really Tasty Smoothie :-)

Hello lovelies!

In my quest to become as chemical-free as possible, I've been exploring homemade soaps, lotions, etc.  My hair has thinned out substantially over the years, and one thing I had not yet looked into was the effects of various shampoo ingredients.  I was shocked to learn that there is a handful of REALLY bad ones that you can find in most shampoos.  Some ones to stay away from...

• sodium lauryl sulfate
• ammonium lauryl sulfate
• ammonium laureth sulfate
• ammonium xylene sulfonate
• TEA lauryl sulfate
• sulfur
• magnesium sulfate
• sodium thiosulfate
• alkyl sodium sulfate
• alkyl benzene sulfonate

And this isn't even all of them!  Sure enough, I went into my shower and checked out my shampoo bottles, and almost all of them had some of these ingredients.  Ironically, the only one that DIDN'T was the generic horse shampoo I got from the dollar store.  Go figure. 

One of the side effects of these ingredients is hair loss, so ditch the toxins and find something better!  Apparently, L'Oreal Vive Pro Nutri Gloss and Garnier Fructis Fortifying are supposed to be good, but I can't yet vouch for them myself.

I've been advised to be very careful with homemade shampoos, because it derives your hair of the oils and nutrients it needs.  Conditioner seems to be a little easier--coconut oil, grapeseed oil, olive oil.  I've also read that mayonnaise is replenishing.  You can find all sorts o' shit online.

Moving on!

I'm getting back into making smoothies, and I already feel amazing.  This was today's:

I made it with my state-of-the-art $20 blender from Target.

1 banananananana

Enough rice milk so that it doesn't have the consistency of vomit

A handful of spinach

A handful of kale

A handful of frozen strawberries

A handful of baby carrots

Blend!  This made two servings.  It's a great snack, perfect to go with these.

For today's workout, I went for my normal jog, and then did THIS from Pinterest:


Ok. I lied. I did part of it. But it's the thought that counts. Here's what the sumo squats look like:



Remember to squat as deep as you can.


Ciao for now,
Megan

Energy Balls and Washboard Abs

My sports bra is officially too big.  But if [even] smaller boobs are the price I pay for getting in better shape, then so be it!

I've been making a point of working out smarter and eating healthier, and the changes are already noticeable.  Believe it or not, what gave me the extra boost I needed was....Pinterest!  A Gemini like me gets bored very easily, so Pinterest is perfect to try new exercises and recipes.

This is one of my favorites:


If you can make it through without stopping, kudos. You have to squeeze your stomach so hard, you'll fart. I'm not saying I farted.

But you might.

I took a picture of myself doing the exercises so you'd have a reference:

And if you need a tasty and healthy snack to munch on throughout the day, try these no-bake energy bites!


I like to call them energy balls, because it's fun to say balls. They're super quick and easy to make, and they're packed with protein to give you lots of energy. I made them without chocolate chips and they were delish.

Follow me on Pinterest for more!

xoxo
Small-Boobs McGee

Your Brain on Love (It Sounds Like This: "DURRRRRRRRR")

Last week I wrote a blog about our bodies' physiological reaction to falling in love (you can read it here).  It seemed to get a nice response, so I decided to look into this a little further.  You're welcome.

Recently, I'm most interested in learning about romantic attachment and whether it's prompted more by your mind/emotions or hormone-y types of chemicals.  I was hoping it'd be the latter of the two, so at least we have something to blame it on.

As it turns out, it is.  At least a little bit.

I found an article in Thirteen which starts off explaining that when you find yourself in love with someone, "the world has a new center."  (No shit.)  Helen Fisher, the biological anthropologist they spoke with, also confirmed what I talked about in my previous blog regarding love turning you into a chemically imbalanced, emotionally distraught, psychologically unstable bitch on wheels. 

She didn't word it quite like that, but reiterated that "intense energy, elation, mood swings, emotional dependence, separation anxiety, possessivness...and obsessive thinking" are all common behaviors and feelings.

Here's the cool part: Fisher has conducted fMRI studies on people in varying stages of love (people who have just fallen in love, people who just got dumped, and people who have been happily married for decades) and has concluded that there are three parts of our brain that can dictate our feelings and symptons of love: lust, romantic attraction, and attachment to your long-term partner.

In addition, she has found that there are indeed chemically-induced reasons why we're attracted to certain people and not others.  It's a physiological (not just emotional!) drive that is greater than everything--certainly sex.  (She uses the reasoning that being rejected for sex won't send you into a downward spiral, but being rejected from love totally can.  Either Helen Fisher makes an excellent point, or she's been sleeping with the wrong people.  Let's go with the former.)   

It's becoming more and more apparent that once you find that intense attraction toward another, your body takes over a lot more than we might have thought.   

It's an interesting idea to explore, particularly because women are pegged as being the overly emotional, dramatic sex.  In reality, many studies have shown that men and women undergo the same process of emotions; women just express it differently.  Kind of how women show affection through touching and nurturing while men show it through initiating sex.

Point of the story...Again, here we have people claiming that love and attraction are indeed alive and well in our brains and bodily chemicals.  So ladies, next time a guy tells you to calm down, now you know what to scream: "IT'S MY OXYTOCIN, ASSHOLE."

On that note, here's a picture of two tongues.  God speed.

 

My Love Affair with Sprouts Farmers Market

You all know how much I love my Fresh & Easy, but I had a religious experience in Sprouts today, and I know you're foaming at the mouth wanting to hear about it.

 

Okay, so it's not technically a full-blown farmers market, but it's pretty darn close.  These independent stores combine the elements of a traditional farmers market with those of a traditional grocery store, so you're stepping into neither Smith's nor Whore Whole Foods.

 

I'm a bit of a picky shopper these days, having decided to cut out animal products, with the exception of the slice of pizza I ate last night at work. 

 

But I digress.

 

Sprouts has a nice variety of products, which makes a Gemini like me super happy.  They offer all sorts of organic, not-even-remotely organic, all-natural, kinda-natural, gluten-free, vegan, and vegetarian goodies.  They even carry vegan butter and cream cheese, which I have yet to see anywhere else.

 

I spent a substantial amount of time squeezing and poking and sniffing all the fruits and wedgies and can confirm that they most definitely havn't been sitting there for eight years, unlike Smith's avocadoes, which usually have the consistency of guacamole by the time I get to them.  Sprouts is even sure to buy things whole and intact (like cheese) and only prepare them for sale once they're in the store, ensuring that the goodies stay fresh.  They make an effort to sell locally grown produce and are able to keep the prices a little lower because they've been in the biz for long enough to get great deals from farmers and brokers.

 

And it's not just food they carry.  Sprouts has all kinds of vitamins, alcohol (wee!), and body care products.

 

Obviously, you can expect to spend a little more depending on what you buy.  The price of their vegan butter gave me a minor heart attack, for instance, while most of the other stuff I bought was priced the same as or lower than I would pay at other establishments.

 

And numbers can't lie.  Well, they can.  Regardless, Sprouts is opening 20 new stores this year; so clearly, they're sleeping with all the right people.

 

If my own personal account and the information I ripped off their website still doesn't have you convinced, check out the place for yourself.

 

Unless they don't have Sprouts where you live, in which case.....good day to you.

The Physiological Effects of Falling in Love

Love is in the air.  It seems that a lot of people around me lately have found happiness with that special one.  Lucky little shits.

For only God knows what reason, I was reminded today of the first man I fell in love with.  It's been awhile, yes, but I haven't forgotten much about how utterly insane it made me.  And you can see it in others.  I decided to probe a little deeper and read more on what's actually happening in our bods when we find someone so pants-droppingly irresistible that our minds can think of no one else.

I was surprised to learn almost immediately that the physiological signs of falling in love closely parallel those of mental illness.

That certainly explains a lot.

The Frisky elaborates that when the human brain is high on love, it exhibits tendencies similar to mania, obsessive-compulsive disorder, and depression.

So, ladies, don't be merely paranoid that you've lost your mind--you have.

People in love also experience a surge of feel-good neurotransmitters that are responsible for rapid heartbeat, increased energy, and feelings of euphoria and greater sociability--namely noradrenaline, dopamine, oxytocin, and phenylethylamine, says Quality Health.  The greater the attachment becomes, the more the neurotransmitters go batshit crazy.  You're literally at their mercy.

And if you think you can hide your feelings, wrong-o!  It's written all over your face, no joke.  Cosmo says that our pupils are sensitive not only to light, but positive emotions as well.  Thus, when you're looking at the one you love, your pupils can begin to narrow.

As we all know, these feelings will simmer down eventually.  But why, and how long do you have until the euphoria dissipates?  The Frisky continues on to claim that those feelings of being crazy in love usually make their exit at about the two-year mark.  Why?  Because that's how long our bodies think it takes to "produce and wean one child."  Those feelings aren't needed beyond that point because reproduction has occurred, leading us to believe that the need to pass our genes on dictates our feelings of love more than we may have suspected.

Reliable resources?  Probably not.  Interesting nonetheless.

Recycle Your Ish and Help the Planet

I don't know what the arrangement is for everyone else, but our subdivision doesn't offer any recycling services.  They also let your packages sit in the office for weeks, don't return your phone calls, and frequently gate you out of your own building.

So I guess I shouldn't be too surprised.

Up until recently, I was guilty of throwing away plenty of material that could've been recycled--paper, junk mail, plastic bottles, cardboard boxes, etc.  I finally got online and found plenty of facilities within 20 minutes of my home that will happily take these things off my hands.  I chose Re-New Recycling.  Everyone was super friendly and get this: They actually PAY you for your recyclables, which I didn't know.  I walked away 45 whole cents richer.

But that's beside the point, and money shouldn't be the motivating factor here, no matter how much it is.

I know that we all like to exclude ourselves as part of the problem.  "I'm just one person.  It won't make that big of a difference."

Except everyone is saying this.  So basically, we're killing the earth and we're all going to die.  So just recycle your shit.  If you need to be guilted into it, visit Going Green Today and read about some of the damage we're doing.  You're welcome.

~M